Fighting my behaviour

I have really been tested recently. Tested to be my natural self rather than my adapted self, and oh it is hard.

My natural behavioural style is a high ID in the disc world, and ENFP in Myers Briggs world. When I am working at my own pace, feeling attuned to myself and my world I recognise what my instincts and intuition are telling me. I use this in my coaching all of the time.

I focus on relationships, connections and networking. Again, fundamental in coaching.

Now in my corporate days, goals, targets and output were key. The D overtakes the I in me. I was often showing up as ESTP, the activist, result driven, facts, thinking, logic and reasoning.

Now the two worlds have collided. I have stepped back into the corporate world to deliver some specific outcomes in a specific period, whilst still coaching. I have found that I am balancing my two styles hour by hour, minute by minute.

What I have found challenging is that my adapted style, the one that directs and leads is a powerful habit. Learned and embedded over my whole adult life, I know this works to get results. Resisting the pull to step back into my adapted style and hold onto my true authentic self is hard.

I am being mindful to feed my intuitive, feeling side. I recognise how easy it is to lose sight of nurturing relationships and taking time to reflect and check in with what’s really going on.

Human beings are powerfully adaptive. Our brains change as we change our habits, beliefs and behaviours. What is learned can be unlearned, and learned again. Staying on course, behaving on purpose, with purpose, rather than reacting is a challenge. A challenge we all need support with.

I am embracing my multifaceted, unique self. I am loving the exploration of falling off track, and recognising it. I am excited by my personal development challenges and embracing my weaknesses. I am mindful of which wolf I feed.

Lucy Barkas

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