During disagreements in others' ideas and opinions, conflict can quickly escalate. This is normally because of one sides desire to win/dominate.
Usually, these behaviours will create unhealthy conflict which means tension, grudges and resentment will start to form within the team.
The VOCAB model helps to turn these unhealthy and uncomfortable situations into positive and healthy conflict through open conversations which will achieve better results and outcomes.

VULNERABILITY
Hiding is easier, allowing yourself to be seen is harder. Let people see who you are, how you feel and don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
Share your wants and need as well as the things motivating you in regard to ideas and opinions.
When you are vulnerable you stop justifying yourself and being defensiveness and work more openly and honestly with your team. You stop shifting blame and pointing fingers and start having more productive conversations with those around you.
It might feel weird or like vulnerability is a weakness but it helps you to create connections and stronger relationships with those around you rather than stimulating conflict within the team.
OWNERSHIP
Ownership centres around taking accountability for the things the motivate you, scare you and make you passionate at work. However, this also means taking responsibility for your impact on others.
Shifting the blame vs taking responsibility: whilst it may seem difficult at first, you might just need to change your perspective. Whilst you may feel a team member is the reason for an issue happening, you can take responsibility for how you deal with it.
Take ownership and empower yourself within the team.
COMMUNICATION
The heart of health conflict is communication.
This is not you telling or speaking more this is about asking more questions, having open dialogue with others and listening more. This will let you understand other people's opinions and views.
It is important to reflect on conflict and communicate any thoughts or concerns.
What drives your emotion?
What drives their emotion?
What are both your passions?
ACCEPTANCE
Now you have started to grasp the root cause of conflict you can move to acceptance.
When you accept what you can and cannot control, you can transform the negative energy into positive and more productive energy.
Operating within unhealthy conflict you have little control as you are operating from your Amygdala – your monkey brain. When you stop, regroup your thinking and accept where you are in the conversation you can move to your executive brain, where trust empathy, strategic thinking and logic operate.
You may want to control how the other person thinks, feels and behaves, but you can’t, you must let that go and focus on how you think, feel and behave.
Because conflict also occurs because of change, you must accept that something will change, there may be a loss of an idea, your current working situation, a loss of you being right. All relationships have conflict, it is the only way to move things forward and create change.
BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are the rules of engagement or ground rules. Each relationship, family or culture has different ground rules for conflict. Your relationship with conflict will subconsciously inform your boundaries but we ask you to make conscious decisions in your rules of engagement.
Boundaries let others know what you find acceptable and what is unacceptable. Boundaries create trust and help people have a different level of conversation. The boundaries maybe a simple as
· We won’t get personal
· We don’t call names
· We won’t swear
· We won’t raise voices
· We listen to understand not to respond
· We don’t interrupt
Activity
As a team spend some time analysing the last conflict you had either with each other or with some external from the team. Using the VOCAB approach identify how the conversation escalated and how it could have been different.
Discover more from 3WH
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.