When you create a safe environment built on trust, everybody feels that they are able to have open exchanges about performance and behaviour. Members challenge ideas, invoking healthy conflict. When issues arise, members name it on a very basic level and just say, “I don't get it”, “this doesn't make sense to me”, “I don’t like how you just behaved”. Feedback is given openly, honestly and for the good of the team or relationship.
When there is a lack of trust and psychological safety within a team or an organization, fear becomes a barrier that stops these kinds of conversations. We will discuss fear responses in a later lesson.
In my experience, trusting conversations flow more easily when I trust myself. When I am clear about what I want, what I need to say and trust that I am safe. When I know that I can assert my boundaries, be grounded and calm, and if things go wrong, I trust that I can hold the space, reconnect or terminate the conversation. So, it all starts with trusting yourself and doing the self development work.
Then, even if the other person feels anxious, scared, worried or whatever, you can create a safe space to simply be with that other person.
Top tips
Meet in a safe space
Identify a safe space and time where you can both talk freely. It may need to be somewhere private, or public. It might be a phone call, face to face or video call. If you are in the power position, meet on neutral ground, perhaps a coffee shop, go for a walk or in their office. But plan the setting.
Aim to hear and understand
It is vital that you share your thoughts, feelings, experiences. Once you have, ask them to share theirs and then listen to understand. What can you learn about the other persons position. Helping them to feel heard and acknowledged builds trust quickly.
Notice the shift
When they feel mistrust you might see agitation, blame, deflection, aggression or even passive behaviours. If you see this, go back to trust building. Be open in your tone, body language, soften your eyes, give a warm smile. When the trust begins, you will see them relax, talk more calmly, look you in the eye and begin to both talk and listen. Role model what you want to see.
Take responsibility
In any conversation, it is important that you apologise for anything you have done, take accountability for things you have failed at, and stand in your inner leadership. When you become humble, it helps build trust with the other person. You are meeting them human to human.
Discover more from 3WH
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.