So now you should see the benefits of having a positive outlook, but often it's not that easy. It's not that easy because we are constantly listening to our own internal dialogue, and if that is negative, you are already on the back foot.
The saboteur.
Our brains are complex. The human part likes to make plans, dream and move us forward. Then the mammal brain kicks into action and says "Are you sure you want to do that? It sounds a little bit dangerous." Your mammal brain is just trying to keep you safe.
"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: 'Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.' When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, the one I feed the most." ~ George Bernard Shaw
Your saboteur, bad wolf, gremlin, call it what you will, but it is always present. It offers opinions all of the time. It's believed that we have 50 thoughts a minute. If they are good thoughts, ones that make us feel motivated, inspired, creative and focused, then great. If the balance is the other way, life might not feel so good.
The Saboteur has a clear purpose—to keep us playing small, hidden away from our dreams, to stay safe. Its intention is ultimately good— it wants to protect us from getting hurt and standing out too much or making a fool of ourselves. Sometimes it's advice is helpful It causes us to pause and assess the reality or dangers ahead. More often than not, it limits our freedom of choice, our courage, joy, and decision making.
It usually shows up with "I can't... I don't know...what if I am wrong...I am not good enough/smart enough/brave enough.
It controls how we behave with money. It informs what we wear each day, whether we feel fat, ugly, confident or fun. It whispers in your ear when you want to put forward an idea, make a move, go on a date or go for that job. It's always there. It can destroy you if you let it.
Activity
Look through the list and think of the last time this thought came into your mind. We all have them, so you should be able to think of a few.
- I can't...
- I am not...enough
- There's no point...
- People won't like me if...
- They are better/smarter/funnier/more creative than me...
- I am too fat/thin/short/tall/loud/quiet/rich/poor
- It's a stupid idea
- I couldn't
- It probably wouldn't work
- I'm not important enough
Notice the language that you speak to yourself everyday. How is it holding you back?
Now, I am not suggesting that you over inflate your abilities and skills. We don't want the ego to run the show. What I do encourage you to do is to reflect on whether there is any reality, fact or evidence to that negative self belief. So many of our inner chatter are reminders of pain or experiences from our childhoods or past wounds that simply don't relate to your current situation. You need to look at the present and choose whether that "feedback" is useful or whether to cast it aside and choose a more helpful message.
What To Do About Negative Self-Talk
Follow these steps to get a better handle on your negative self-talk:
1. Catch yourself. Notice your thoughts and catch yourself in the moment. Simply notice.
2. Is it fact? Now analyse it. Where did that thought come from? Does it apply to today? Is there any truth in it?
3. Make a choice. Will you listen to it or ignore it? Can you reframe it or learn from it?
And notice the words you actually say out loud. Are you always putting yourself down or apologising? Notice that positive people talk in positive language.
Instead of saying "I can't", they say "This is what I can do". Instead of saying, "I don't know...", they say "but I will find out..."
In the next lesson we will look at flipping your thoughts.
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