Now that your team is in the process of mastering trust, we turn to mastering conflict. Trust is essential for entering healthy, productive conflict, because without it, members don't feel safe to challenge, debate or question others approaches.
Conflict is present whenever 2 people (or more) hold different perspectives, beliefs or truths about something. Since humans are all unique, with their own ideas, beliefs, values and experiences, conflict is inevitable. However, all great innovation and forward action arises from a conflict between what is here now and what is possible.
All great relationships, the ones that last over time, require productive conflict in order to grow. It’s important to distinguish productive, ideological conflict from destructive fighting and interpersonal politics. Any team that wants to increase its effectiveness, needs to engage in healthy conflict and can only do so where there is vulnerability based trust.
Unhealthy conflict looks like mean spirited attacks, blocking, passive aggressive digs, sarcasm or belittling. It might show up as dominating, arguing to win or power over someone else, ego driven challenges or competition. There is little trust as one party tries to protect their position and be the victor, making the other person the victim. Members listen to respond and win, not to understand and grow. That is not what a healthy team looks like.
When their is trust, members can engage in passionate, unfiltered debate around ideas, approaches and methodologies. They express their thoughts, feelings and passions and concerns for the good of the team. They leave nothing on the table to achieve the best outcome for the team. Members trust that when others challenge them, it is for the team, not for individual gain. And if members step a little too far, other members know that they will apologise and move on.
Productive conflict:
- is focused on concepts and ideas
- avoids mean-spirited, personal attacks
Conflict is often considered taboo, especially at work. Some cultures thrive in having passionate debates, others choose artificial harmony rather than rocking the boat. People spend inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to avoid the kind of passionate debates that are essential to any great team. Yes it is uncomfortable, painful even. Wouldn't we all prefer everyone to agree with us and tell us how brilliant our idea is? Yet that doesn't help anyone. We need honesty, challenge and feedback to help us grow and reach out best thinking and best work. Even when everyone in the team agrees to engage in healthy debate, it will still feel a little uncomfortable.
However, teams that consciously engage in productive conflict know that the only purpose is to produce the best possible solution in the shortest period of time. They accept that they will push each other outside of their comfort zone to obtain the best solutions and decisions.
A case study
During a team session, I asked one team prepare a topic for a facilitated conflict session. I asked for the elephant in the room, or the topic that was always side-lined because it would create tension in the team. Everyone looked worried and I reassured them that the session would be facilitated and they would be safe.
In the morning, before the session began, 2 team members approached me separately to share their concerns over their chosen topic. In both cases the members had thought about 2 scenarios. Scenario 1 was the safe option, something to do with a process that needed re-evaluating that was important, but "safe". The 2nd option could be explosive. A product line that had existed for years was losing money. The overhead costs to produce in their country was not viable. A number of options needed exploring, including offshoring production, sub-contracting or closing the product line. One of the members was emotionally invested in the line, having built it, nurtured the staff from apprentices and all options would lead to either job losses or redeployment. Every time they tried to discuss it, he would block it or shut down the discussion.
I challenged both team members to go for option 2. If they could learn how to engage in healthy conflict over the hardest topics, the simple ones would be easier. With a little reassurance, that was the option they elected.
Now it wasn't easy and it wasn't comfortable. They learned to speak their truth and actively listen to others views. They agreed what the central question should be and engaged in debate until the question was answered. I pressed the pause button when things overstepped the mark so we could evaluate the behaviours, resetting the focus before continuing. Within 2 hours all members weighed in with their opinions and ideas and collectively agreed next steps.
What was most powerful was their observations after the session. All members reported that they felt heard, acknowledged and healthy conflict actually built trust further. They were motivated to do it more.
Team Activity
Reflect on the following statements independently and then share with the group.
On a scale of 1 – 5 rate each statement.
(1: almost never, 2: rarely, 3: sometimes, 4: usually, 5: almost always)
Team members voice their opinions and challenge ideas even at the risk of causing disagreement
Team members ask one another’s opinions during meetings
When conflict occurs, the team confronts and deals with the issue before moving to another subject
During team meetings, the most important – and difficult – issues are discussed.
Now discuss how the team scores may vary, where they are aligned and listen to understand each other. What needs to change for the team to feel safe in healthy conflict?
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