Leading conflict

Now you need to practice healthy conflict.

The team now understands each others behaviours and conflict responses. You have set the expectation that conflict will be the norm and agreed a rules of engagement together. Now you need to embed it into your working practices.

Don't assume that because you put the foundations in place, that it will happen. People will generally avoid conflict even when they understand its importance on a rational level. So the leader needs to be prepared to name behaviours if they step to far out of the agreement, and light a fire if artificial harmony creeps in. Members will habitually go back to old norms unless you lead them through it.

Your role as the leader

Set the intention that your role is to seek opportunities to gain clarity and truth. You need to mine for buried conflict, grudges, ideas or feelings that either need to be cleared or brought out to achieve the best outcome for the team. Then lead members through the conflict by not allowing them to hide in comfort or avoidance. It means naming what you see or sense, or refocusing on the desired outcome. Here are some great questions and statements to try:

• I sense there is some tension in the team. What's really going on here?
• I noticed some of you aren't speaking up, what is holding you back?
• I see some paper shuffling or rolled eyes, what are you really thinking?
• I know this is uncomfortable and we might not agree, but to get to the best solution we all need to weigh in with our opinions.
• If we are to make the best decisions, we need to put everything on the table. What isn't being expressed?
• I noticed lots of silence, this is not how we agreed we would do this in our rules of engagement. What is stopping us progressing?

By offering your observations, you are showing courage and vulnerability which encourages others to do the same. You create a safe space, even if it is uncomfortable and you also set the expectation that everyone speaks honestly and freely. Until conflict norming is established, you need to over emphasise it and role model it.

One of the biggest skills for a leader to learn is interruption. As members fall into old patterns, you need to interrupt the flow. That might mean interrupting those members who hog the airtime, or interrupt the silence of those who like to hide away. Sometimes it is as easy as saying "pause" like I do in the learning environments. It is also a useful approach when you notice a great conflict behaviour in practice, so others notice and acknowledge it too. "Hey, that was a really great exchange of ideas, role modelling how we agreed we would do it. Great work". Then allow the conversation to develop. It can act as a confirmation that the uncomfortable feelings are worth it and reduces anxiety for those "observing". So an interruption can be used to reign people in, or praise great practice. Use it.

Outcome focused meetings

To engage in healthy conflict, asking people to take risks in speaking up, you need to ignite some desire. You need people to care enough about the topic, hypothesis or problem before they take down their armour. So, as the leader, you open the meeting with a compelling message. Pose the problem, idea or desired outcome without sharing your "preferred" approach. If you give your ideas to quickly, you risk group think. That is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve. Remind people of the rules of engagement and then facilitate the discussion. It might go something like this:

"I have brought you together to discuss the current customer returns. They are creeping up. This signals that something is wrong either with the product, the sales process or production. I don't know the answer, so I have asked you to come together to help solve this problem. If we don't solve it we risk more returns, complaints, increase costs and loss of future sales. Remember, we all agreed on how we will challenge, share and contribute so I need you to level up and weigh in with your best thinking. So, what do you think the real issue is here?"

You will notice, in time, that your meetings become more engaging, outcome focused and action orientated. They don't have to be boring or a waste of time anymore. When one person does all of the talking, less information is exchanged and poor decisions are the result. Bad meetings result in surface level discussions. Healthy meetings get into the heart of the issue and mine for the best thinking and ideas.  And when people leave the meeting, with more clarity, understanding and a sense of accomplishment, they are more invested in making the actions happen. They are emotionally committed, but more of that in the next chapter.