Personality and Conflict

For the purposes of consistency I will talk in terms of DiSC personality styles, but whichever model you are familiar with, you will see the common traits.

Dominant personalities tend to be outcome focused, blunt and competitive. This means that they are comfortable in conflict - but fight for the win. They like to be in charge and are not afraid to tackle issues head on. They assert more logic and facts to their arguments and when under pressure, forget about feelings and personal circumstances. This can feel ruthless and in the worst cases, bullying.

In the worst cases it can look like banging hands on the table, finger pointing, shouting and attack. In other scenarios it can be short, curt, and closing the conversation down. When 2 D styles are in conflict, it can look like a real fight, but often it they go for it - reach a solution (usually with a winner and a loser) and then walk away and forget about it.

They want others to be direct and open, no fluffing around the subject, but they don't tend to take criticism or feedback well, especially if you are too blunt. So be clear, articulate and keep to the facts and even though it will feel like fight - keep your emotions in check.

Influencers try to keep things friendly and positive, but they are driven by emotions and can't quite easily over dramatize things or exaggerate. In fact, they can escalate to personal attacks or harsh criticism, speaking first and thinking later. They are unfiltered and are comfortable saying exactly what is on their mind and how they feel, in the hope that you will understand their perspective. When things get too heated or tough, they are likely to overlook parts of the argument, especially facts or complexities and brush them over.

They will want to leave any discussions on good terms, so if it ends badly, they are likely to overthink it, causing more internal conflict, and the conversation will need to resurface so they can close it off.

But influencers always believe that everything can be resolved through a good, open conversation and are eternal optimists. Make sure you hear them, acknowledge them, and appreciate them, then usually they run out of their own steam and a rationale conversation can be had.

Steady people like harmony, so find conflict uncomfortable and would rather have artificial harmony than a difficult conversation. They just want everyone to get along and will appease you just to keep the peace. This harms the team and achieving truth and solutions, so notice when they retreat and act accordingly. You haven't won if they aren't really on board. In fact, they are likely to go home really stressed and over analysing the situation. Where you may have moved on, they become emotionally and mentally drained for days, even weeks - sometimes years.

Create a safe space, remain calm and simply ask for ideas, advice, and perspectives without judgement. Allow them time to reflect and have their internal dialogue first as they often listen, reflect then speak.

Conscientious people are the most objective, rationale and facts driven style you will find. They keep their emotions in check and can appear cold and unmovable. In conflict situations, they can become stubborn and justify their stance and dig for answers and push you to justify yourself rationally rather than accepting. They dislike impromptu discussion and prefer to be forewarned and forearmed. If they are caught off guard, they will either block and challenge, or refuse to participate simply to calm the waters.

So, when in conflict with a C, notice when they retreat, give them time to cool off or collect their thoughts and come back together when they are more prepared. If they feel cornered, after they retreat, they are likely to demonstrate passive aggressive behaviours, so you haven't really "won".

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